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For as much as I appreciate a good dram of Scotch, there are dudes who put me to shame. 

Example: Sir Ernest Shackleton (pictured above).

Nowadays, in order to be knighted, you just have to play James Bond or Gandalf in a couple of movies. Back in the day, you had to trek to the center of Antartica or to the top of Mount Everest. Those guys were real knights and, much as I would expect, they were lovers of Scotch.

I present to you, The Story of Sir Ernest Shackleton and the Crates of Scotch!

In this story, Sir Ernest Shackleton (badass), decided one day that he wanted to go on walkabout in Antarctica because the weather in England had gotten too warm for his taste. Since he was so awesome, nobody challenged him. He grabbed a few trees, some nails and some tar and he built a ship. He named it Endurance because he had so much of it that he thought his ship could use some of his spillover endurance, and he sailed for Antartica from England with his crew. The ship went pretty slowly, so Shackleton got out and into the ocean, grabbed the stern and proceeded to kick as hard as he could. About four hours later, they were in Antarctica.

Shackleton decided that he wanted to go to the South Pole, since he was still warm and that was the coldest place he could think of. His crew, knowing that that was a nearly impossible feat, was frightened but said nothing. As scary as freezing to death in an unforgiving landscape sounded, making Shackleton angry sounded even worse. So, they all got out and started skiing south. Shackleton, believing that skiing was for Nordic sissies, decided to walk. 

About 100 miles short of the South Pole, Shackleton got really bored. "There's no stuff here. Where's all the stuff?" he was heard to have said. So, being infuriated at the continent, Shackleton sat down, invented a cell phone and called Scotland for some booze.

"Hello, Scotland?" he said, "this is Shackleton and I'm thirsty. Send some Scotch."

Normally, Scotland doesn't deliver outside of Great Britain but this was Shackleton calling, so they made an exception. They built the biggest catapult on record, loaded it with crates of Scotch and launched it into Earth's orbit. It fell down somewhere in Antarctica. Everyone in Scotland high-fived. 

Shackleton, having a superhuman sense of hearing, heard the thud back in the direction of the boat. "Gentlemen," he bellowed, "Scotch just landed. We're turning back!"

"But Sir! We're only 100 miles from…" started one of the crew members. He never finished. Shackleton backhanded him across the face, sending him flying in the direction of the thud and out of sight. The rest of the crew followed Shackleton hastily as he lumbered away from the pole and toward the Scotch.

When Shackleton reached the Scotch, he looked down in disgust. "Ugh, Mackinlay? That's not my style!" So, he picked up the dude that had been backhanded a paragraph ago, got back into the boat with his crew and went back to England so that he could order the Scotch that he liked, leaving the Mackinlay stranded in the ice. The Scotch stayed there until 2010 when it was unearthed by Kiwis.

This is a true story, pretty much. If you want to read a less interesting version, read this

Fun fact, the reason that Shackleton didn't like Mackinlay Scotch was because he had been drinking pure gasoline (petrol) his whole life thinking it was Scotch. Therefore, traditional Scotch seemed too light by his standards. Also, this is even more amazing because the production automobile was still a brand new concept, so it's crazy that Shackleton was ever even accidentally served gasoline. [USA Today]

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